There's Always A Book... & It's Never The Devil...
I watch some channels on Youtube. Spooky stuff, unsolved things, etc. I found Scary Interesting & Chilling Scares, but my older sister found Modtricca, What Lurks Beneath, & Slapped Ham, which I call the Spooky Pig Channel. Anyway.
I won't watch those two channels she has, because I think they are hokey as fuck. But she fell asleep once & woke up to the 18th century guy & said he was interesting. Which he is! Even recently when I said that I was going to get rid of some channels I added, she became concerned, "But not the little guy, who talks about old food, right? I like him!". Yes, he's staying.
But, speaking of falling asleep real quick. While I don't like that What Lurks Beneaths' intro tagline is ALWAYS "You won't want to miss this one.", which I detest, I like his content & how it's delivered. However, his voice keeps putting me to sleep.
I don't understand why. It's not like his voice is grating, but it's not warm cuddles & kittens either, but it knocks me right out & then I'm upset that I missed out on whatever he was talking about. You might be wondering how I know if I like his content or not if I'm sleeping, but I am able to watch an episode or two before I conk out.
His is the only show to put me to sleep.
BUT! That's not really what we're here to talk about.
It's about El Diablo.
So, The Spooky Pig Channel will sometimes mention that it might be the devil, which I wave away with a pfft, but it hardly ever happens on there as they're just there to show you the spooky. Modtricca though, while it's a weird format to watch him watch video clips, I wouldn't really see the clips otherwise, & sometimes he's funny in his quick commentary after watching the clips.
However, after last night I just decided that I won't be watching him anymore. The only two interesting videos he showed during that one epi, were both shown on The Spooky Pig Channel. And over there I don't have to deal with whack-a-do conspiracy people with their devil theories. I'm done with that nonsense. It just pisses me off too much.
So, most of the clips will be about how so & so is in the Illuminati, a lizard person, & worships El Diablo. It bothers me that Modtricca apparently buys into it, but really it's the original clips. Those people are fuckin' cuckoo-ka-choo, man.
"You see the 33's everywhere, it's the Freemasons again, & this former Disney star is a grand wizard. You see it, this logo of a palm leaf is the devil!"
It's the stupidest thing ever. Yeah, if you're lookin' real hard for something you can find it in something or patterns. There's a painting on my wall, that my older sister did. If I look real hard, & squint, there could maybe be an eyeball there, so is she the Illuminati too?
Which this is where I'll jump back into to this month long post. I got the "There's always a book" line from The Why Files, but "& it's never the devil" is all me. Because that is also very true.
So, I'm lookin' around Tubi last night for something to watch. I did end up watching the original Jumanji, which had been thirty years since I'd seen it the one time in the movie theatre, but that is not important. It's just that it was still early & I wanted something else to watch & found this documentary entitled Satan Wants You.
It's about the Satanic Panic of the 80s. I really don't miss an opportunity to watch something on this (which hasn't been that often really), because it effected my life, which I'll get to in a minute, but as a kid I didn't really know the... larger scope of it. So, I want to know what the fuck messed with my life.
They jump right outta the starting gate by mentioning the book that started it all, Michelle Remembers, & bells dinged inside of me. That title is familiar. But not because of other shows because it's never been mentioned on anything else I've seen relating to the subject. In fact it's usually just casually mentioned while people roll their eyes (the topic of Satanic Panic) or the guy who kind of started it here in the states, who was a person I'd never heard of). It's that I'm pretty damn certain my mom either had a copy of this book or else talked about to, either directly to me, or name dropping it (a lot) in conversation that I passed through.
I could ask, but as she is now 77 & has a propensity for conveniently forgetting things that no longer serve whatever purpose to her, it'd be like talkin' to a brick wall. Plus, while I want to work through this shit, I don't have it in me to have a serious sit-down session with my mother about it. I'd rather work this out on my own, ya dig? I mean, this was such a jarring part of my life, I think I'd become violent if she wanted to just... forget, right?
So, they don't know if it was Michelle or her therapist making it up, or they worked it out together, but yeah, it was all rubbish basically. If you want spoilers. She was fine, had a session or two with him, really liked him, rather obsessively, & under hypnosis she "remembered" all this horrible stuff that happened when her mom handed her over to a Satanic cult.
Half of what she described were very similar to rituals he witnessed in Africa while being a doctor there. He was also very Catholic. She'd just had a miscarriage & was also obsessed with him. So did he plant everything under hypnosis or was it only partly him & her learning what he's saying when deciphering what she's telling him,, "It's similar to this that I saw in Africa... & they also did this & this" so next time she added in the "this & this"?
Because then there was a book (because he specifically wanted to use her sessions to write a book from the get-go, just like the Sybil book that had come out about a decade earlier), & a book tour, & they divorced their spouses & got married. Also, she was never missing for any amount of time when she was a child. That's the real smoking gun right there.
Regardless of busting up their marriages & destroying those peoples lives, now everyone felt that he was the foremost expert on Satanic cults & everything he said was taken as like gospel truth. Therapists started putting patients under hypnosis & (knowingly or unknowingly) giving suggestions of repressed Satanic cult activity, so now everyone was in a Satanic cult when they were a child. Police were instructed to use his information to bust up these cults & "save the children".
This Michelle lady & her therapist also traveled to the states to talk to children at daycares & ended up convincing them that they'd been molested by their care givers because of Satan. People went to prison based on the Satanic cult theory. Which I did not know. That people were put in prison because of this.
Which explains why my mother was hounding me about it. She never once tried to hint that I'd be in danger from a cult, like snatched up. But it was on her mind, because well... now I know that it was EVERYWHERE. Like I didn't know they were targeting daycares, convinced those kids were in danger, or warning hospitals that babies would be snatched for eatin'. This ran deep, y'all.
All I knew, as a child, was how it effected me & it seemed to be Catholic church related.
My mom was ALL wrapped up in the Satanic Panic thing & forced it all down my throat. When I'm four. Lamenting about saving my soul from the devil & saying there were demons everywhere & driving me around to state that such & such was where Satanic practices were held & they sacrificed animals & how would I feel if they did this to Nuttmegg (our cat that I LOVED), but like in a way as if to say this was all my fault & I should be more on board with stopping all this.
Seriously. She wasn't telling me to be safe or asking if anyone had touched me in a wrong place or saying I couldn't go to daycare because of something. But she would state things, matter of factly, & then give me a hard stare like it was all my fault. Like I was the devil or in cahoots with him. I still can't understand that part.
But she was practically apoplectic & neurotic about how the devil would steal all of our children. That is until a lady showed up at our church. So, I'm about nine at this point. The lady would tell anyone who would listen that her then husband coerced her into a Satanic cult & that her daughter was part of the ritual & was promised to Satan, so she & her baby had to leave. Mom thought she was nutso & slacked off on the Satanic Panic quite a bit after that. Much to my happiness & well-being.
But prior to that? Man, my life was not easy. At all.
It's not like I can't entertain conspiracy theories, but these people are basically that guy up there. You don't see them on screen & they're not hyped up, but somehow they are low key hyped up.
There was one Australian guy talking about how the last pictures of the last pope were weird (It was either shared on Modtricca or The Spooky Pig Show), like it was AI or something. He was a little hyped up, but in a normal way of "Am I really seeing what I'm seeing here?" but did talk logically & calmly about how the clips seemed weird to him.
I did notice that the whack-a-do people say, "Wake up people!" & things like, "I told you!". The normal people don't do this. They just react in a way like their not sure what they saw & are you seeing it as well.
That I can handle. The normal people. These other people, it's a different hyped up, where they've swallowed the pill, donned their tin foil hats, & are sailing a ship lost at sea. They don't know where the fuck they're going, but they're gonna follow it into oblivion, & drag you down with them. Almost like they don't even really see it, but have to keep going, like they're in some cult. I do not trust this energy, so I can't not listen to the things that they say.
The very first part of the epi last night was some crazy guy talking about how the Rothschilds & the Romanovs have beef with each other & that in the animated film Anastasia, the symbol on the box is the Rothschilds crest.
'The fuck it is! That's the Romanov crest. Imma look this up."
So, I did. And after less than two minutes of searching on my phone, yeah, they're not the same at all. And I was right. What is the same is that the Russian federation changed the Romanov crest... slightly. It's different colours, but it's the exact same emblems. So, to me it's basically the same. But it's nothing like the Rothschilds.
How do I know the Romanov crest? Because I was slightly obsessed with them as a teenager & read all sorts of books. It's in my mental filing cabinet somewhere because I'd seen it as many times as I'd seen Tsar Nicholas Romanov II & his family.
The next guy was talking about how everyone is worshipping the devil, stating that we should all "wake up", but the video focused on the crazy collage on poster board that probably took him weeks to make. Like the checkerboard square head on the "person" looked handmade. That checkerboard theme was all over it. Handmade, not printed out.
That's a lot of time & effort to support your crazy. And you know, these people could actually be correct in what they are saying, but since they showed up on the Crazy Town Express, I literally can't listen to them. At all. Ever.
It's kind of the same with the people online who ALWAYS want to talk about the Watchers or Nephilim. I'm not instinctively against anything "religious", but they're on this train track that just loops. They look for any reason, even if far-fetched to get the subject back to that. And it's always the same things. There was one show talking about some book being published about how the Nephilim were clowns or whatever that was discussed on Mysteria Archive (she found, we both watch), wait, maybe it was a different one.
That was an interesting take. It also wasn't presented like a one way ticket to crazy town. I might not have jumped on board with this idea, but I listened to it & thought, 'Well, now that's something.' instead of backing away, hissing.
But general talk about Nephilim from those people, yeah I don't trust that either.
There was something I was watching recently, one of these YouTube channels & it was stated that it was the devils fault. Might've been Crime A-Z (which I found & only I watch)? Not sure. I jump around.
"The fuck it is, I'm just sittin' here in bed eating cake!"
And it's not like people can't drag El Diablo into the mix. If it's just off-handed I'll think it's funny, or that it's a possibility, ('Sure... why not?'), or I'll make fun of it like I did last night. But it's when it's so... I don't know... forceful. So, ...brainwashed? Nope.
Which leads back to my mom. She was just so... ranting over things. Her energy instantly put me off to things. Satan being bad (or ever present), metal music being bad, etc., but she also overly praised The Warrens. Ya know, Ed & Lorraine who would go out & bust demons? I have a strong aversion to them & everything about them. It's not because they hunt demons & I'm evil so I hate that. No, I don't think they were really doing what they said they were doing. I think they were a sham (& possibly making situations worse. Spiritually, not them conning people outta money, which they did). But my mom's high energy about them (while this was on the extreme positive side of the spectrum & Satanic Panic was on the extreme negative side, but it all resonated the same) gave me a headache. She fan-girled... too much. I will never like them. Ever. I don't trust things that come with high energy.
I mean, I knew that the Satanic Panic was all over the news. I remember that as a kid. Lots of news anchors with pentagrams in the box beside their head or 666 or something because the story they were launching into was about the devil (yes, like the intro picture. Shit like that). I don't remember what was discussed on the news, but I remember seeing these images & then my mom ranting & raving through the den & kitchen about how "the children" aren't safe & that the devil is everywhere.
I do also remember seeing special programs about how to spot Satanism or Satanic things... I suppose in your teen? And that one program that she recorded about the music, that she forced my older brother to watch & then me later. Only I found it so ridiculously stupid, that I'd watch it with my friends & we'd laugh. Probably told her that I really was the devil & that wasn't going to work on me. So she destroyed that VHS tape.
However, before that recording an incident happened. I still to this day do not know what happened. They were doing... something. Binding my energy because they thought I was Satan? "Protecting" me from Satan? Stealing my energy for themselves? It's irrelevent what they were doing or if it actually worked. They did do a thing & they believed in it, ya dig?
So, my mom got me in our car & drove me to her friends house. This friend... she was crazy. Did no good for anyone that mom became friends with her. But that is beside the point. I didn't think anything about it, because we often went there & they had coffee & played with the girl my age.
Only on this day, mom & me were let in & we both went out to the backyard. Mom never came out into the backyard. This was starting to seem iffy.
It was a repressed memory of sorts for me. It would come to the surface, but I'd wave it away. I also couldn't recall the two other ladies. But I saw sat down on top of the faded wooden picnic table. I didn't want to be there but mom kept putting her hands on my thighs or my shoulders to keep me there. It was mom, that crazy lady that lived there & two other women.
I remember them talking but I don't know what they said. They joined hands & for lack of a better word starting chanting. I'm not sayin' they were devil chantin', for all I know it could have been some weird spell or just talkin' in tongues or something else "religious". I know they repeated things, because I hate repetition & that was getting on my nerves even though I was scared to death because no one explained what was happening.
I do know that every single woman was on board with this... except one. One woman, I could feel her vibes from the get-go & she was very unsure of this. Becoming more unsure as it went on. She may or may not have broken the circle.
It doesn't matter if they actually did anything or not. The fact that they were intending to do something & believed that they were & psychologically terrified a little girl who was only four or five is wrong. It was the direct result of Satanic Panic. This terrifying thing happened to me because some asshole lady was obsessed with her married therapist way the fuck up in Canada.
I did finally put the pieces together. Oh, I know it was Satanic Panic because things were said about how "that should work" & her trying harder after that to get Satan away from me muttering how it "should have worked... well we'll just try harder!"
But no, some lady from church wanted someone to clean her house every other week. She wanted my sister, because she never much cared for me, but offered the job to me because I was the only person available. I accepted because I needed the job.
I start working for her & that memory keeps coming up. A lot. Then she did, or said something. It wasn't what she said, like she wasn't talking about fighting Satan back in the day or something, but it was the same vibe & I knew she was the third lady. She was there. It was her. DING DING DING!!!
Which led me to figure out that the fourth lady, the one not on board, was our family friend. Realizing it & seeing her again, I knew. She, I think, perhaps felt uncertain about something because it was the same. And I knew.
I mean, that lady, the crazy one, who probably put all this into moms head in the first place, ruined so many things because Satan was out to get everyone. She had her youngest daughter, the one I'd play with when we went over there, accuse the son of the family friend of molestation. That lady tried to get me on board.
No such thing ever happened. I even asked the girl, "What's the deal? Why are you sayin' this stuff?!" Basically because her mother expected it (because supposedly that lady's dad & grandpa & brothers molested her since her baby time & had done it to her two daughters. Whether true or not, she's someone whose going to suspect EVERYONE of that!). She even agreed that nothing ever happened, not even just the two of them.
I told anyone that would listen that he didn't do anything & the girl admitted to me that she was lying about it. I doubt that did any good, because I was never interviewed by anyone like that girl was. Perhaps they realized she'd been coerced or was unsure or lying. Because he was gonna go to jail over it & went to court (with my mom & his mom fighting for him), but the case was luckily dropped.
I'm not kiddin' y'all. I'm not repressing that. He never touched us! Not even slightly or anything. But that lady was out for blood. I don't know why since she was willingly taking her daughters back all the time to Molestationville her family.
Plus, I'm really good about vibes. Someone ever seemed creepy, I'd drop my head, shake it no, back away & walk way outta my way to not even come remotely close to passing them. I also HATED being alone with that woman or inside her house. Before I knew anything about anything too. I didn't like her.
The son of the family friend never felt creepy. My own cousin felt creepy & did try to play strip poker with me when I was way too young (four or five?). Wanting to see a girl naked. I tried playing because I did like my cousin & think he was cool even though I hated everything about the incident. But I'd had enough & before taking off anything important, I put my head down, shook my head no, & ran away. I just ran away. It was my MO.
I never even told what happened, but I suppose the little girl running away scared (not even crying) out of the basement & hiding, they knew something had happened. Man, did he get in trouble.
I never wanted to be alone with one of my uncles either. Great Uncle, by marriage. Even my grandfather wouldn't let us be alone with him. Apparently (& I didn't know it then as a kid), but he (the uncle, not my grandfather) molested his children & grandchildren & killed one of his sons back in the 60s or early 70s.). I'd want to go swimming at the family reunions. The promise of swimming is how you could get me into the proverbial white van.
I didn't like him & he was the one that was going to be driving the truck, but the truck was FULL of cousins, most older than me, I figured it would be OK. I do remember my grandfather, grabbing me from behind to keep me from running towards the truck, scooping me up & saying I couldn't go. I was upset because I wanted to go swimming. "I'll take you swimming, we'll all go." So, it was dad, grandpa, me, my older sister, & our cousin that drove to the lake, separately, & stayed away from that uncle.
Anyway, I know creepy. I avoid creepy. That kid wasn't creepy & didn't do anything, but Satanic Panic just about ruined his life too!
That was the worst thing (the weird "ritual"), but if you realize that this was THE hot topic of the entirety of the 80's, especially if you were religious, the insanity of it was in my daily life. Every single day. Multiple times a day. It's enough to drive someone crazy.
I saw how she (my mother) could talk calmly, (oh she could go crazy too) but that her energy was nothing but insanity. And it spilled out into her words. When she wasn't ranting & raving, it'd be like the girl who tells you she loves your outfit or that you're so brave for doing such & such. Her words aren't bad, but the entire intent is just bitchiness. You know this, you can feel this from people or is it hearing a slight uptick in the voice that signals it? I'm not saying that it just has to be metaphysical "vibes", it could totally be something that you're picking up on, which science can easily explain. I'm just saying, it's a thing. We've all experienced it.
You can tell that from the crazy people too. I can't put my finger on it, but it's not the same as a normal person going through a normal experience of "Can this possibly be real? Did you see that too?". It's the other. The, "You will see this & follow me." undertone.
Even though that lady joining the church when I was nine, made my mom slow down, she didn't stop trying to save my soul from Satan until I was in my thirties, y'all. My THIRTIES. And it's not to say she didn't still think my soul needed savin', she was just tired of fighting me.
What was the devil stuff? Besides just me wanting to be me? Wanting Barbie dolls, wanting to listen to my older brothers music (70's/80's metal music), wanting to wear my dad's military issue combat boots, wanting to talk on the phone with my friends, really wanting to listen to any music that wasn't Christian, wanting to wear make-up.
So, like typical teenage girl stuff, except for two things. Well, the Barbies is kid/pree-teen, but whatever.
Even if someone isn't talking religion or conspiracy theories, if there is heightened emotion, I turn off. It's over. You've lost me. I won't listen to anything you have to say. I don't mean excitement, like "This was so fucking great!" Where it slowly escalates like they're going to explode. That kind of heightened emotion.
If you come outta the startin' gate angry or excited or happy, I'm gonna handle that a whole lot better than if you're gearin' up to explode. The slow burn.
Yeah, so Satanic Panic makes me angry. I will always end up siding, I suppose, with the devil, because I'll never believe it was the devil. Ever. You come out trying to find signs that the devil is taking over & I'm going to back up away from you so quick. So quick. That mentality, well, didn't ruin my life. I have a nice life, but made my life unnecessarily difficult & trying & left a lot of scars that I'm still trying to process & get over to this day.
Anyway, that's what I've been watching & how I feel about it. You got any channels I should cheque out? Hit me up.
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