Are You Kenough?

 I find humans to be so strange.  While I'm fine that my views don't really seem to match theirs (or correctly?), it's how we simply can't wrap our heads around each other that I find impossible to understand.

Lil' Small & I were watching The Witches of Eastwick the other night.  I'd seen it as a kid & let me tell you I did not get any of the sexual references then (or the words of pussy, dick, or fuck).  Anyways, there were scenes I did remember like him cursing them while playing their video of their fears on twelve hundred televisions, or them playing tennis, or him being cursed throughout the town.  

It came to the part where they no longer want him around.  They just ignore him.  I said, "Man, that's just wrong, they did him wrong...."

Lil' Small laughed & said, "You'll always side with The Devil won't you?!"

Well... maybe not always, but in this instance, yes.

So, they conjured him.  They invited him.  They did this.  He didn't just show up on his own.  That's point number one for what they should not have done.  Yeah, yeah, they don't know they're witches & didn't know they'd be conjuring him, but either figure that shit out, that you're witches & have power, or else reverse that shit when you do know.

Second, they slept with him.  Later he'll say something about them entering into a contract with him, which I did say, "Well, he's not wrong...", which Lil' Small also laughed at that, in that way of how could I still side with him.  But they did.

Cher's character is the first to meet him & she agrees to go see his house & have lunch with him.  Don't do that shit if you're not interested.  Secondly, she says she doesn't want to have sex with him, that he's the most foul, disgusting, ugliest, smelliest person she's ever met.  But she has sex with him anyways.  That's the agreement.  That's her signing the fucking deal, man.  

So, they all do, they all sign the deal by sleeping with him.  Then when things get weird & they want him gone, they just fucking ignore him hoping he'll go away.  They don't deal with the problem, they just shut it out & hope it disappears.

Well, that's just wrong.  This is their mess that they got themselves into, they should take accountability.  First stating that he's no longer welcome there (with meaning) & telling him to go away.  But no, they just stop showing up & telling him that they just can't like they're scared, with no authority.  That's not gettin' anything to go away!

THEN if that doesn't work, pull out the voodoo doll hexing. 

So, they're all pregnant with his kids.  Do they tell him to hit the road?  No!  They come back to him, lull him into a false sense of security, are all sexy on the bed waiting for a night of sex (which I'm assuming they have, though these are all cut scenes), let him believe everything is wonderful, send him to town for bagels & he's all happy & is buying them whatever they want in town...

To just make a voodoo doll outta him & sneakily try & get him to leave.  That's even more wrong.

And when Cher's character confronts him he cursed them with their own worst nightmares because everything was fine & then it wasn't.  Lil' Small was saying that's not a reason to curse people, but I countered with, "Hello!  he's The Devil.  I mean, who said he's send rainbows & kittens?"  Besides he gave them anything & everything they wanted to make them happy, but they didn't reciprocate or even say thank you, then they just ghost him.  What the fuck do you think The Devil's gonna do?! 

Besides they were the dumbasses who told him their worst fears in the first place.  Never tell anyone/anything your fears.  

So, yeah, I fucking sided with The Devil here.  I felt like those ladies made ALL the wrong moves.  You don't jump from everything's fine straight into hexing.  And certainly don't say everything's OK when it isn't just so you have an excuse to hex a dude.  

I mean, when she, Cher, confronted him, he even stated as much.  Basically that everything was fine, they were all happy, a family, & then it was just over & that he gladly did everything for them that they wanted, but with the ghosting compounded with no gratitude, he got pissed off.  I think he had good reason.

I actually did not like the film.  It was fucking weird.  I could have gone my entire life without watching it, but that's not what we're here to talk about.  It's more about how I seem to come outta left field for humans & they don't understand where I'm coming from.  

I do think a guy would say, "Yeah, she's right! That's not how you treat a guy.", but also I can't pass for anything other than a full woman, so I'm not really in the camp of Man Land am I?

Lil' Small & I were recently discussing the Barbie movie.  I had put up a photo where I added a K, so it said I am Kenough.  You know, like Ken did in that film.  Only she didn't understand it or get that reference until I told her where it was from.  "Oh, well, Ken was fucking annoying, so...", was what she responded with.

We had very different views on that film.  "It's Barbie's land & she's in charge & Ken is stupid & annoying & he just ruined everything."

"But... but!  Ken lived in that world too & is part of it & was treated as secondary.  He even tried talking to Barbie first, but she would never listen to him & just dismiss him & she left & he followed her & she was so mean that THAT is when he went back to Barbie land & "fucked" shit up.  Ken is us in this world.  He's the female in the male dominated world.  Not being listened to & then fucking shit up to be heard & to make change.  And he did make change because Barbie listened."

Oh-ho!  No.  Lil' Small didn't want to hear any of that.  Ken is Barbie's slave & if we in this world have to be put upon we need someone in doll land to put upon & Ken is just a menace & ruined everything.  Barbie only listened to him to get him to shut up, basically was her view.

Which I didn't understand.  She says she wants equality & in Barbie land that's what happened, which I think it's what... a parable?  A reflection?  An analogy?  of how we want life to happen in this world, yeah? We want men to listen to us as women.  We want there to be harmony where everyone has rights.  Right?  

But then she's all "Ken is stupid & Barbie's slave!!!  Rarrr!!!"  Yeah, but generally speaking, isn't that how men feel about women in this world?

She sputtered.  

I mean I liked the film & I liked Barbie, but I also like Ken (all the Ken's).  I saw their side, their point of view.  Ken was Kenough & he could totally have his Mojo Dojo Casa House.  Did it help that Ken was rather cute like a five year old?  Yes.   I don't want to be mean, but he was stupid, BUT in an endearing way.  And no, I don't have hearts for eyes over Ryan Gosling.  It's not that I wanted the Kens to win it all & turn the tables completely on the Barbies, but the Barbies were the ONLY ones in charge & that wasn't really fair to the Kens who had no real purpose except to be Barbie's pet dog/eye candy.  

Y'all.  Ken deserved better. 

I had to point out to Lil' Small that there was BIG difference in Will Ferrell's asshole character & Ken played by Gosling.  I did not like Ferrell's character, but I did like Ken.

This seems to always happen where I tend to side with men or do not understand women.  I mean, am I the worst possible woman out there?  I ask myself this question from time to time, but really I think it's a mute point because I don't even think I'm human, even if I am female, ya dig.

It's not like I think guys are the greatest sex out there & can do no wrong, but I do get where they're comin' from on a lot of points.

Obviously I'm big for women.  Don't beat 'em, don't rape 'em, & all that jazz.  However, if a woman is going to dress scantily to be noticed & also play games, well, I do think she was askin' for it.  

That's like slathering yourself in honey & walking into a cave where a bear lives & pokin' it with a stick.  If you do this, you should definitely expect the bear to wake up & swipe at you or eat you.  If you think nothing will happen then that's just stupid.

And I mean, the girl wearing the very short skirt & the low cut top that's sashaying & batting her eyelashes & bending over for nothing & flirting with everyone.  Not the girl whose just wearing clothes (I don't care what clothes... well unless it's a see-through lingerie thong thing or something) & walking.  I mean the ENTIRE bait & switch.  "Oh look.  Definitely look.  Definitely notice all this.  I'm offerin' it ALL up!  Oh-ho!  Fooled you.  You can't touch this."

Not cool.

I don't even mean the gal who did dress to get noticed & is flirting with the one guy she's interested in, pullin' out all the stops, because she wants to hook up with him, but during their conversation, he's gettin' creepier & creepier & she says, "No way, man."  That's different.  

I've seen these ladies.  I've seen groups of ladies at bars flirt with some guy & laugh.  He has absolutely no chance with them, but they want him to think that he does to just slam him in the end.  And by slam I mean emasculate, not fuck.  It's all a joke, a game.  

Or the ladies that are just so desperate for attention that they are practically wearing nothing & shakin' it all for everyone at the fucking party, because they want men to drool over them, but they don't want to sleep with them.  

These tactics are wrong.  Men have feelings too.  No one likes to be played.  Thinking they have a chance when there never was one in the first place.  

And it is totally different if it's the asshole guy who says, "She was walkin' down the street, minding her own business, but I knew she wanted me."  These guys exist too & these guys are deluded.  Can you change that?  Not really.  

It's like if a lady shows up to the party acting like the stripper that was hired.  Only she's not the stripper, just some gal, & does all the sexy moves & dances in barely any clothes & then says, "No touchy."

Obviously with a stripper this is her job.  She makes money by entertaining you in a sexy manner, with the rules of no touchy.  The girl at the party is being a bitch as this is not her job.  The stripper is the same as a Starbucks barista.  She's in her uniform & is all smiles & nice & getting your coffee & possible refills.  Not because she's in love with you, it's because it's part of the job & she feels like keeping her fucking job.

Yet, I hear tell of men who are obsessed with a stripper because "she's in love with them."  I have witnessed, first hand, men & women, who think the barista is in love with them.  These people just aren't stable.  Seeing only what they want to see & they can't separate fact from fiction or that this is just that person's fucking job.  Can't change that.  You can't change those people.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.  

Basically, ladies, don't act like your mega interested if you are not.  It's cruel & it's wrong.  Now if you're dressed like a hooker & go to the club with your girl friends & just are dancing & having fun & some dude is treatin' you wrong, no I don't think you were askin' for it.  

But I'm also for women in industries of men's entertainment.  Obviously I've never visited a strip club, but I think it'd go down about the same way.  No, we were drug to Hooters.  By Lil' Small's then boyfriend.  Because he used to work at one as a cook & the food is "so, so good."

The food is not good.  At all.  But was I suckin' lemons surrounded by pretty, big busted gals in tank tops & short shorts?  No.  I saw they had hockey on & watched that.  Chastised that guy because the food was shit & he was just here for the girls, & was nice to our waitress when she'd come by.

Why?  Because she's a fucking person, that's why!  I don't want to work at a Hooters (I mean, I've got the tits for it, but I'm not slender or tall, so I wouldn't get hired, but that's beside the point), but I also don't care that these girls work there.  

Is it because females feel threatened or compare themselves to other females?  Because yeah, I'll never look like these ladies & they were really pretty, but I think I clean up just nice, that I look just fine.  No need to compare or feel lesser than around them.

However, Lil' Small was not nice to the waitress at all.  Because her boobs were bigger & she was prettier.  But because I treated our waitress like a person & not some dirty whore (to hate or to lust after), I became this magical unicorn & she called all her fellow waitresses over & then I was suddenly surrounded by a sea of pretty ladies fawning over me.

o_0

"Can I get you anything else?"  

"Are you from here?"  

"You went to USM too?  What did you major in?" 

"I'll get you some free (insert some appetizer here)."  

"You like hockey?  Do you have a favourite team?"

This was from six different ladies, not just our one waitress.  They weren't even trying to get a better tip.  It was a slow afternoon & I didn't want to paw them to death & I wasn't shooting venom darts at them with my eyes.  I treated them like people, which of course they are.  I'd ask about them too, because it'd be rude not too, but really I just wanted to be left alone, because I'm a loner Dottie, a rebel.

'Man, this is what all the guys want, how come I'm getting this treatment?  Oh yeah, because I don't want to have sex with them.'

I think this is what would happen at a strip club.  I wouldn't lust after them, but also wouldn't treat them as lesser than, & I'd probably end up surrounded by strippers just wanting to hang out.

I mean, I'd watch the show, I wouldn't be some prude.  And I'd probably be amazed knowing that was a difficult maneuver or that the sequins were pretty.  I'd probably even compliment them if they were talking to me.  "Your outfit is so pretty!" or "That thing you did, wow.  I know that took a lot of work to get that down.  Looks easy, but I bet it's not!"

If she were on all fours, swingin' her ass in my face, I'd probably get up & move away from the stage, because I didn't sign up for ass in my face.  Sure it's part of her performance & I'm not knockin' it, just let me step back some.  I'd also pass on a lap dance.

I like to imagine that they'd be so nice that they'd say, "You wanna try?  Stay for the club to close, we'll find an outfit for you & you can give it a go!" & they'd jump up a down a little giving little hand claps like girls do.  I'd be excited, because while I do not want to a stripper, I have always wanted to try my hand at it, see what I've got or just how hard it is to turn upside down with that pole.  

I think that Lil' Small would not fare well at a strip club.  It wasn't just that her then boyfriend drug her to Hooters, it was her feelings of inadequacy that made her suck lemons & treat the waitress like a peasant.  I feel like she'd do the same thing at a strip club & cross her arms & be judgy & then she wouldn't make new friends, being surrounded by pretty, scantily clad women.  

I don't even know other girls that dream about being friends with strippers & hookers.  Like, not "friends",  but weird platonic dreams of weird all-girl sleepover shenanigans.  Like the strippers all liking me & we have pole dance lessons & laugh a lot.  But not sexy lessons & laughing.  

It's like the one time I had a dream about Billy Idol.  I missed his concert with the VIP experience & didn't have a ride back home, so he gave me a lift in his limo.  I didn't even get a chance to explain before girls were all, "Oooh!  He gave you a ride, did he?"

No.  There was nothing even remotely sexy about that dream.  You can interpret however you want, but the dream feeling was very platonic.  Like we were best guy mates or brother & sister.  He was just cool & really nice.  I wasn't interested.  He wasn't interested.  It was one of the best dreams ever.  Because it was Billy Idol, he was cool, & because there was not even a hint of sexy times.

Had a dream about John Stamos once.  He's pretty & all, but eh... no.  This dream did hint towards sexy times & I was not thrilled.  Seemed more like a nightmare.  

I don't know which camp I fall into with not wanting sexy dreams.  Probably neither, but whatever.  It's not like I don't want sexy time dreams, I'm just very particular & only want it to be my +1.  Whose that picky?  I don't know 'em!

I'll end with that I put music on my iPod to listen to in the car.  I have a massive '80's playlist with everything.  From Hall & Oates to Judas Priest.  You name it.  If I like it, it's on there.  So, smoother things like Hall & Oates are playing & I'm all nice.  Then you get some metal on there.  Metallica, Maiden, Van Halen, AC/DC, etc. & I turn into a teenage boy.

"You're weird with this music..." stated Lil' Small.  "Like a teenage... boy..."

I wasn't even mad.  It's because a song would come on & I'd turn it up while saying, "Yeah-eh!" & then takin' turns & drivin' like I stole it.

And of course when I say I'm nice with the other music, I'm singin' nice.  But the other comes on & I'm beltin' the song out & drummin' & shit.  

I am both of these people.  I can move my body like a sexy gal.  I've got big boobs, I sing nice, my hair is long & wavy.  But you get my blood pumpin' & I am that teenage boy that I never was from the early '80s.