...& We're Back!

 I know that I keep jumping around between blogging platforms, but there are always reasons.  Sometimes my computers, which tend to be old & won't update to newer software in order to run the proper browser (I'm runnin' three, y'all), but sometimes it's just the blogging platform giving me fits.  Right now it's wordpress charging for absolutely everything & I ended up fucking up my blog & well... here we are.

A lot's been going on & I was currently working on banging out posts over at wordpress, so now some of those, perhaps, will make it over here?

I don't really want to discuss what's been goin' down, so we'll wander into a thought I've been daydreaming.  

The Easy Bake Oven Bakery. The name is really because Lil' Small assumed I'd be making desserts with an actual Easy Bake Oven. 

"Yes, sir. You'll want to come back in about three days for your dessert. Light bulb baking takes a while." 

Which, I did laugh about, but no. I would not be using an Easy Bake Oven.

I was standing in our kitchen, frosting the cupcakes I'd just made & thinking about things I really liked. Time periods, types of baking, etc. & came up with a themed bakery.

The location would not be "updated" past like 1985. It would not be Cafe '80s like in the second Back To The Future, but real-for real the '80s. It wouldn't be creepy, but you could tell it had been there since the 60's & was... lived in, for lack of a better word. The radio would only play music from 1985 & prior.

I would dress like I owned a bakery in the '80s. My hair, my clothes. And the real '80s, not some dreamed up neon coloured, glitter Jazzersize dream of it. My car outside wouldn't go past this date. And the prices wouldn't really either.

Why? Because it'd be nothing fancy. It would look like a mom baked & decorated the stuff at home in the '70s. Real simple stuff. Box mixes & cake frosting from the store. Things you'd get at a bake sale, pretty much with bake sale prices.

$10 for a cake or an entire order of cupcakes. Perhaps $1 for a cupcake or brownie slice (because while I might be making things cheap, I don't live in the '70's or '80's when eggs or oil were a nickel or whatever.), but certainly not $5 for one cupcake sort of nonsense.

And there'd only be a limited set of things I'd bake. Cupcakes, brownies, Rice Krispies Treats, cookies. No breads. No donuts. No marzipans, or things covered in fondant or drenched in ganache with chocolate curls. No croissants. No wedding cakes. No fancy frosting with flowers or whatever.

What I made that day is what you get. If you want to order something special, you would be allowed to order one sheet cake or one double layer cake or two dozen cupcakes. End of discussion. I wouldn't do big, mega orders for several reasons.

I don't want to wake up at four AM to bake. I don't want to get burned out in baking, because it's enjoyable for me. But I also don't want to deal with the health department or asshole customers.

Lil' Small suggested I just do it out of our home & like The Underground Pizza Guy, it's all on the DL. But... also what if I get busted for my baked goods & lack of taxes & shit? Not cool.

So, then she suggested that maybe I actually set up a bake sale. I'm allowed to have a yard sale anytime I want without a permit. There are several people up our street selling their home grown vegetables & flowers or gift baskets for various holidays. If I could get in trouble for selling items that I baked in my kitchen, I certainly could trade them off for donations & that would be well within my right.

However, it's too fucking hot outside since it's summer. But that seems like kind of a fun idea. Will people stop for a 43/44 year old woman selling baked goods? They might. I'm not offerin' local honey, home baked bread, or fruits & vegetables (because people WILL stop for things like this), but then everyone fucking loves a bake sale though, right? It's right up there with like the Schoolastic Book Fair or something, yeah?

You might also be thinking no one would want boxed cake mix cupcakes. You'd be wrong. I mean, people generally don't, but I've had odd reactions. When asked if I baked the item, I say, "Yes... well, it's not from scratch. A box mix...", to which they respond in awe, "But STILL you baked this!!!", like it's something magical that they think they can't do? Which I find odd.

Or people will just assume that it's your regular run of the mill RKT's or cupcakes or brownies or chocolate chip cookies & kind of laugh that I brought something so quaint & so '70's homemaker to the get together. Then they scarf it down like it's full of crack.

It's not. It's called love. I don't bake angry. I dance around & laugh & have a good time while baking & while it's just your basic RKT recipe with the marshmallows slightly toasted (which was an accident because I wasn't paying attention) & slightly extra vanilla (because I always do this), they are the best RKT's people have ever had apparently. The chocolate chip cookies are just the Nestle Toll House recipe, but there's slightly extra vanilla & all that LOVE.

They don't even taste like what people's mama's used to make, it's not even nostalgic, they're just apparently that fucking epic. I think if people stopped & tried the items (which I could have samples), I'd sell the fuck outta some baked goods, y'all.

We'll see if I decide to set up The Easy Bake Oven Bake Sale in my front yard this autumn.  Good times.