Here Kitty, Kitty!

Kitty and me; 1980

So, I mention a lot that cats are sort of a big deal in my life.  They are a big deal for several reasons.  

• I've never known a life without cats
• I would cry if they were taken from me in my baby time
• My first word was Kitty
• We've always had a lot of cat family members
• My childhood job was to be mid-wife to our pregnant cats
• I was in charge of accepting or denying possible kitten adopting applicants
• My family is big on taking care of, feeding and healing injured strays

But they are also a big deal where the entire family is concerned.

• They are family, not pets
• They are equals, not lesser than
• We go out of our way to construct elaborate kitty homes for them out of cardboard boxes, pillows or blankets
• We consider them to be royalty
• We consider them to be special
• We say 'hello' every time we pass them in the house
• We spend a lot of time with our cats

Every cat has an official name, several alternate names, back stories, likes and dislikes lists, they're alternate woodland creature (or other) identity, and who they'd be if they were on one of our favourite TV shows and why.  So, I thought since I talk about cats so much, I should introduce my cats.

Scully

This is Scully.  She was a stray, abandoned kitten living in our garage and in the abandoned car in our back yard.  We kept feeding her so she wouldn't starve.  One night she bit my mom's finger and wouldn't let go, so she brought her in and had me extract her from her hand.  She had a lot of orange (red) in her fur and can be a bit fussy (she talks a lot and is fussy in speech, but not mean), and would watch The X-Files every night, so I named her Scully after Agent Dana Scully, since she too is red and fussy. 

Age: 9

Alternate Race: Alien.  I know the large moth is a monster in Monsters vs Aliens, but that's who Scully really is.

Alternate Names/Titles: Scully Bug (see I always knew she was some sort of alien bug creature, but cute), Alien Kitten From Beyond The Stars.

Nemesis: Bunny

Allies: Puff-Puff

Disposition:  Super friendly!  She makes friends with any bugs in my room and gladly runs up to new cats to make friends until they attack her and then she doesn't understand why they're not frolicking together and laughing at inside jokes.

Likes: 

• Licking butter, cream, or meat dripping residues off plates.  
• Talking.  
• Making new friends.  
• Cuddling.  
• Kitty cookies (cat treats, specifically Whiska's Temptations Cat Treats in some seafood flavour).  
• Field Trips to other rooms with me.  
• Pappy (grandpa; my dad).

Dislikes: 

• Bunny (I honestly can't stress that enough).  
• Bossy boy cats.  
• Not being fed enough (according to her).  
• Auntie (my sister, more nervous around than an actual dislike).  
• Habu (grandmother; my mom). 

Back Story:  Her alien race of giant moths scientifically developed a way to disguise themselves into what they thought was the perfect Earth race; cats.  The mission was to take over Earth.  So they injected Scully with cat DNA for her to morph into cat form, had her watch video's of cats for study and sent her here to help take over the world.  Only we found her and spoiled her so much that she no longer wants to take over the world.  We suspect that the cat video's weren't very good, because she doesn't know how to cat.  She's better than Puff-Puff, but still not very much like a cat at all.

Bunny

Bunny is Trouble with a capital T.  A girl we know adopted him for us, after we said no, and brought him from North Carolina to our house.  She wasn't going to keep him, and we didn't want him abandoned, but didn't have the money to reimburse her, so we traded Body Shop products from our selling inventory in exchange for him.  He was almost a year old when we traded for him.  His official name is Theodore Pookie Sputnik; the fat chipmunk from Alvin and The Chipmunks, Garfield's teddy bear, and the Russian space satellite in the 1960s.  We think it's pretty awesome as far as official names go.  My sister is his human, but he lives with his Habu and Pappy (in their bedroom).

Age: 7

Alternate Race: Arctic Bunny

Alternate Names/Titles: Large Arctic Bunny, Bunny, Bad Bunny, Pookie, The Creepy Stalker

Stalker Victims:  Scully

Nemesis: Puff-Puff, Marzipan

Disposition:  He's weird.  Really weird.  But he's really nice to humans.  Is a pestery, stalker jerk to all the other cats.  Has no kitty friends.  Willow sometimes might tolerate him, but hardly.  Kind of clumsy and pretty bad.

Likes: 

• Stalking other cats like a creep.  
• His mommy.  
• Swimming around like a shark.  
• Suddenly appearing when his mom shows up on the second floor.  
• The colour pink.  
• The pink hedgehog dog toy.  
• Sleeping face down or on his back spread out.

Dislikes:  

• Not being allowed into Scully's room.  
• Being told 'No.'  
• Not being allowed into his mommy's room.  
• Being told to stop being a creeper.  

Back Story:  In the Arctic, there is a super secret society just for bunnies.  The families giving up the first born baby bunny to the secret society in exchange for safety.  The members then raise the baby bunnies to be ruthless, cut-throat assassins in order to infiltrate the Penguin Authority, which is another Arctic Woodland Creature Secret Society, so secret in fact, you didn't even know there were penguins in the Arctic!  This baby bunny, however, was not a very smart or bright bunny.  He tried to learn the secret ways of this very secret society, but he was never going to be a great assassin, so they shipped him off to North Carolina to a special camp for not bright bunnies from the Arctic.  The rest you know.

Willow

Willow, ladies and gentlemen, is the most beautiful super-model kitty living high in her tower home.  But things were not always this way.  My sister and I went to Wal-Mart to get replacement lawnmower blades.  As we were leaving, there were several people set up on the grass (that they're no longer allowed to do) selling of giving away animals.  I, naturally, wanted to stop to see the kittens.  My sister said no, but we did anyways.  Needless to say with came home that day with lawnmower blades and a tiny extra fluffy kitten.

Age: 6

Alternate Race: Faerie

Alternate Names/Titles: Wilhelmina, Willie, Super-Model Kitty, Faerie Kitty

Nemesis: Puff-Puff, Mika 

Allies: The Baby, Bunny, Colonel Mustard

Disposition:  Totally in her element in her tower attic room.  Greets anyone that comes up the stairs, might stay for love if she feels like it.  Kind of a tease with that unnaturally long and fluffy tail of hers.

Likes: 

• Fancy Feast seafood pate.  
• Ranch dressing.  
• Bacon.  
• Auntie (that's me!).  
• Her mommy.  
• Pappy.  
• Yoga.  
• Laundry.  
• Her Tail.  
• Kicking herself in the face when she's happy.  
• Sunshine.
• Nursing on her tail when she's extra happy

Dislikes:  

• Habu.  
• The Gingies.  
• Boys in her room (kitty boys that is; unless she's OK with it and only certain one's and not for long).  
• Pooping.  
• Not being in her room. 
• The Monster (Mika) in her room. 

Back Story:  She was a faerie (think more like LotR's Elves), but in this life time she is a cat.  She was some form of royalty or a member of court.  She expects the grander things in life.  Just like a faerie she only has room for one emotion at a time, so she's either a bit evil or a bit nice, never both.  She still has wings and can fly.  Also there are several portals to the faerie realm in her attic room that she utilizes quite a bit.

The Baby

We were on the hunt for a chocolate Siamese.  On a trip to Pet Smart, we were visiting the inmates, as we always do, and there he was.  A lone panda kitten in a sea of black kittens.  We held him and knew he was the one.  We brought him home as an early Christmas gift for dad.  We set the box in front of him and he said, "This better not be a kitten", while my sister and I held in our excitement.  He opened the box and immediately closed it.  His mouth broke into a wide, child-like smile.  He opened the box again, pulled out the cutest kitten you've ever seen and snuggled him into his neck.  His official name is Thai Tushka (tie tush kuh).

Age: 4

Alternate Race: Raccoon, Wombat, Teddy Bear

Alternate Names/Titles: Thai Tushki (taaai tush kee - said like an old gold miner might talk), The Baby, Big Brown, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Kitten

Allies: The Baby gets along with everyone.

Disposition:  When he is affectionate, he is VERY affectionate.  When he is fussy, he is VERY fussy.  Doesn't like to be made to wait, but will.  Has certain needs he feels should be met in a timely manner.  He is the king of the house and somewhat of a loner.  

Likes: 

• Kitty cookies.  
• Ice water with crushed ice.  
• Being made up in the bed.  
• Pappy.  
• Both Aunties (my sister & I) 
• Sleeping on Habu's head at night.  
• Eating insulation or carpeting (or trying to at least *rolls eyes*) 
• Sleeping on the sheep skin rug (only cat that will go near it)
• Catching moths in the air with his mouth and eating them (think creepy owl in The Secret of NIHM)

Dislikes: 

• Having his back pee-paws (feet), tail or belly touched.  
• Telling him no to having more kitty cookies.  
• Human food.  
• Being made to move when he doesn't want to.  
• The Gingies running across him.  
• Thunderstorms (even light rain).

Back Story:  His back story, sadly, is not very original.  We tell him his finding story of how he was being sold and we purchased him, but he does not like that at all and I can't blame him.  The other is that he is a Raccoon who wandered into our house and I've always wanted a raccoon, so we let him stay.

Colonel Mustard

Colonel Mustard is a rescue from the pound.  He was 10 weeks old when we adopted him.  We walked in and he ran up to my mom and I and said, "Ok, I'm ready to go!"  His official name is Mjølnir (mule-neer), but the name Colonel Mustard was added one night when we were playing Clue.  He is an odd cat and a very old soul, but he is very sweet to everyone, human and cat alike.  The other three cats that were abandoned, he claimed as his babies and he's an excellent mommy to them.

Age: 2

Alternate Race: Cheetah, Serval, Lion

Alternate Names/Titles: Colonel Mustard, Mjøl-Mjøl (Mue muel), Mjølmers (muel-mers), Kanga-cat, Large Africa Cat, Savannah Cat.

Allies: His babies (Marzipan, Puff-Puff, and Poe), and the other cats, just not Bunny.

Disposition:  Very intelligent, very mature, very sweet.  He is also extremely large, but believes that he is very tiny.

Likes:

• His babies
• Kitty cookies
• Sleeping in my room
• All the humans
• Fitting himself into tiny places or onto tiny surfaces
• Trips outside (just not the leash)
• Bugs
• Trumpeting
• Willow (he thinks she's an absolute stunner)

Dislikes:

• Not being able to go outside all of the time (our street is a death warrant for cats :/ )
• Bunny causing trouble with the other cats
• Having a difficult time in the tiny space/on the tiny surface
• Having the adjective 'large' used for him

Back Story:  He was created by an African Tribe using awesome magicks.  They took the calmness of the lion, the lean body of the cheetah and the springiness of the serval to create a new cat.  They embodied him with the wisdom of the ages, the innocence of a child, and the braveness of their people; then teleported him with mind powers to the cat orphanage here with special instructions to wait for us to come and find him.

Marzipan

Marzipan was an abandoned kitten.  She was screaming in a ditch across the road.  I went to find the kitten, she wanted to run towards me across the road.  A car was coming so I told her to wait and she did.  I cross the street and she ran to me, ready to be picked up.  She screamed for an hour until she'd had her fill of warm milk and then passed out.  My dad said, "Let's name her Marzipan.", then added, "What is Marzipan?"

Age: 2

Alternate Race: Squirrel

Alternate Names/Titles: Marzi, Marzinpanzer (martzin pant-zuh; conjunction of marzipan and the German WWII panzer tank), Tiny, Tee-niny, Hey Girl, Friendly Cat

Nemesis: Bunny

Allies: Everyone else, except Willow

Disposition:  She's super friendly to humans, but won't take guff from anyone, not even the other cats.  She's super tiny, with tee-niny pee-paws and a short stubby tail, but she believes that she is ginormous.  She's also a tough little firecracker.  Very distinct battle cry when chasing bugs.

Likes:

• Nursing on fuzzy blankets when she's extra happy.
• Eating animal innards and raw fish
• Pappy
• Having Auntie (my sister) dress up as her twin
• Laundry
• Being told she's tough
• Being told she's friendly
• Chasing bugs
• Using her warrior battle cry
• Exploring
• Watching WWII war movies with Pappy
• Drinking from the taps
• Hanging out in the bath tub

Dislikes: 

• Being told she is tiny
• Bunny
• Habu

Back Story:  She was a baby squirrel who fell from her nest high in the pine tree's after an exceptionally windy March evening.  She was also a hardcore WWII veteran in a past life; either German or Russian.  She's still got the fight in her and loves discussions, documentaries, or films set during that time.

Puff-Puff

Puff-Puff was another abandoned kitten.  I heard him crying in the neighbours yard, and he was inside the engine of a truck.  It took one woman (me) wielding a can of tuna, six college boys and one college girl to retrieve him from the truck.  It ended with the truck owner reaching his arm in above the tire and coming out with a chubby, slightly yellow puff ball of a kitten.  Everyone exclaimed "Awwww!!!" in unison.  The girl and her boyfriend made me promise to name him Ranger after the truck and I agreed.  His official name is Puff-Puff Ranger.  He loves hearing his finding story.

Age: 2

Alternate Race: Alien (specifically the all black eyed squid baby born in the first Men in Black film)

Alternate Names/Titles: Puff Puff, Puff-Puff Ling-Ling, Puffling, Chubby Alien Baby (he's not really chubby, just thick), Floofy (he's not quite fluffy, so he's floofy) Kitten, Lump-o-Love.

Nemesis: Bunny

Allies: Everyone else

Disposition:  He is super extra sweet.  So sweet he's a little bit not smart and could put you into a sugar coma if he was anymore sweet.  He is also extremely lovable and loves love; getting love, giving love, love in general.  Gets startled easily.  Does not know how to cat.

Likes:

• Singing in Alien tones/speak
• Laundry
• Snuggling, cuddling
• Love
• Hearing, "Everyone loves a chubby kitten!  Who's are chubby kitten!"
• Talking in high girl-like tones
• Food
• Habu
• Both Aunties
• Sleeping on the fake sheep skin rug

Dislikes:

• Fast movements
• Loud noises
• Bunny starting trouble
• Children

Back Story:  Puff-Puff is a Puffling from the planet Pufftonian.  He is a Ranger Scout.  The Pufflings are a very peaceful, happy species.  Puff-Puff was on a reconnaissance mission, but became side-tracked by a interstellar sign advertising Flufflar, which is like cotton candy.  He hung a left, picking up some Flufflar at the fly-though space station.  He couldn't figure out how to get back on coarse, so just kept heading in the direction he was going, all while snacking on the sweet fluffy treat.  He fell asleep and crash landed on this planet in the woods.  Using his translator goggles he read the word Ranger on strange, dark green ship and decided that's where he needed to be.  The rest you know.

Poe

Poe was another rescue kitten outside of our house.  He wasn't abandoned, but was strategically given up by his mother, in hopes he'd have a better life.  The night before my dad had exclaimed, "No more cats!  Absolutely no more!  Not even kittens!"  The next day, he was changing a woman's flat tire in the front yard.  A scrawny, dirty, gimpy kitten waddled up the side street towards dad, stopped and waited for him to pick him up.  Dad did, brought him in and asked me, "Do you know where Puff-Puff is?"  "Yes, he's upstairs."  "Are you sure?" and then, from behind his back, produced a small kitten and plunked it down on the table.  "Dad?  That's not our cat, I don't know who he is!"

I put him back outside, but with some food and a blanket so his mother would come back for him, but the next day he was clean and shiny and the mother was hiding around the corner.  It was a ploy!  She wanted him taken.  I know, because there have been other kittens, which if they go missing she hollers for them.  His official name is Jupiter Poe; a character from one of Edgar Allen Poe's stories and then Poe for E.A.P. himself.  He had a gimpy food and was extremely malnutritioned, so I worked with him to get his health back up and to get his food uncurled. 

Age: 2

Alternate Race: Ferret

Alternate Names/Titles: Poe, Poepy (poe-pee), Poe-Poe, Poepy The Red (that's his Viking name), James Catney (like James Cagney, the nerves in his foot bothered him as a kitten, so he ate at it and two claws are a little more exposed than they should be.  They are his weapons.  He is a 1920s gangster.).

Allies: Everyone but Bunny and Willow

Disposition:  Gangster-Street Urchin.  He's a petty pick pocket or will get Puff-Puff to do the bad kitten things for him.  But, he can also be very sweet.

Likes:

• Jerky and Dried Fish
• Drinking from the taps
• Lounging in the bath tub
• Getting Puff-Puff into trouble
• Sleeping on the guest bed
• His mommy (that's me!)
• Pappy
• Caterwauling at cat toys and bugs

Dislikes: 

• Bunny stirring up trouble
• Habu
• 
  

Back Story:  Poe was living the beggar street life with his mom.  He would pick-pocket to help them survive, but he was still struggling to eat, as the larger cats always got to the garbage cans first.  An injury caused his back leg to be lame, so it was hard for him to move around.  The dad was a dead beat, always visiting the pubs, abusing the mom.  He didn't like children, so vowed to murder his son and throw him into the creek in the woods.  The mom knew how nice our house was, and felt that little Poe could get an education and become a proper gentlemen if he lived with the people in the house, and he would also avoid being killed by his father.  So, the mom told little Poe to waddle up the street towards the human holding the tools.  'The plan worked perfectly', the mom thought, as the man took little Poe inside.  But then Poe was back on the door step.  'This will never do', thought the mom.  'Perhaps it is because you are covered in soot.'  So, the mom scrubbed and cleaned little Poe until he shined just like a new copper penny and hid in the bushes to make sure the humans finally took him inside.  And it worked.

Star Trek

Scully: Lt. Uhura

Bunny: Ensign Chekov

Willow: Nurse Christine Chapel

The Baby: Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy

Colonel Mustard: Captain James T. Kirk

Marzipan: Mr. Sulu

Puff-Puff: Montgomery "Scotty" Scott

Poe: Spock

Downton Abbey

Scully: Mrs. Patmore

Bunny: Thomas Barrow

Willow: Martha Levinson

The Baby: Mr. Carson

Colonel Mustard: Matthew Crawley

Marzipan: Violet Crawley, The Dowager Countess of Granthom

Puff-Puff: William Mason

Poe: Alfred Nugent

The X-Files

Scully: Special Agent Monica Reyes

Bunny: Melvin Frohike/Alien Bounty Hunter

Willow: Special Agent Dana Scully

The Baby: Assistant Director Walter Skinner

Colonel Mustard: Special Agent Fox Mulder

Marzipan: CGB Spender/Cigarette Smoking Man

Puff-Puff: John Fitzgerald Beyers

Poe: Richard "Ringo" Langley

Raising Hope

Scully: Shelly

Bunny: Delilah

Willow: Virgina Chance

The Baby: Barney

Colonel Mustard: Burt Chance

Marzipan: Maw Maw

Puff-Puff: Jimmy Chance

Poe: Frank

Supernatural

Scully: Charlie Bradbury

Bunny: Gabriel

Willow: Dean Winchester

The Baby: Castiel

Colonel Mustard: Bobby Singer

Marzipan: Crowley/Death

Puff-Puff: Sam Winchester

Poe: Garth Fitzgerald IV

Poirot

Scully: --

Bunny: George (the butler)

Willow: Madam Ariadne Oliver

The Baby: Hercule Poirot

Colonel Mustard: Chief Inspector James Japp

Marzipan: Miss Felicity Lemon

Puff-Puff: Colonel Arthur Hastings

Poe: --

Ugly Betty

Scully: Christina McKinney

Bunny: Betty Suarez

Willow: Claire Meade

The Baby: Ignacio Suarez

Colonel Mustard: Daniel Meade

Marzipan: Wilhemina Slater/Hilda Suarez

Puff-Puff: Amanda Tanen

Poe: Marc St. James/Justin Suarez

My Name Is Earl

Scully: Patty The Daytime Hooker

Bunny: Little Chubby

Willow: Joy Turner

The Baby: Earl J. Hickey

Colonel Mustard: Darnell Turner, a.k.a. Crabman

Marzipan: Catalina

Puff-Puff: Randy Hickey

Poe: Ralph Mariano

Bob's Burgers

Scully: Tina Belcher

Bunny: Mr. Fischoeder

Willow: Linda Belcher

The Baby: Bob Belcher

Colonel Mustard: Jimmy Pesto Jr.

Marzipan: Louise Belcher

Puff-Puff: Gene Belcher

Poe: Mort

Frasier

Scully: Roz Doyle

Bunny: Maris Crane

Willow: Daphney Moon

The Baby: Martin Crane

Colonel Mustard: Dr. Frasier Crane

Marzipan: Dr. Lilith Sternin

Puff-Puff: Dr. Niles Crane

Poe: Bulldog Brisco

Psych

Scully: Henry Spencer

Bunny: Mr. Yang

Willow: Detective Juliet 'Jules' O'hara

The Baby: Detective Carlton 'Lassie' Lassiter

Colonel Mustard: Pierre Despereaux

Marzipan: Chief Karen Vick

Puff-Puff: Burton 'Gus' Guster

Poe: Shawn Spencer