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On 03 July of 2007, I started my first day of work in domestic service for a private residence. Today I found out that I am no longer needed. I showed up for work, but my employer was still asleep. Having no mobile, I came home and called an hour later to be told that I'm basically out of a job. And here is why really, for everyone involved, this is a good thing.
When I started working, I was cleaning house for an elderly couple. They were someone I knew of, but never really knew during my life up until that point. Mere acquaintances to me, though somewhat more friendly with my parents. Though initially they were just my employer and her husband, then eventually became like grandparents to me.
They trusted me and thought of me as one of the family. For some this might seem like it's crossing a line, though I was perfectly fine with it. I helped the husband learn how to use the computer, I helped the wife bring in groceries and put them away. I would bring to go coffee for the wife during the holidays. The husband would give me holiday bonus money. I would send a card for their anniversary and they for my birthday. She ended phone conversations with 'I love you'.
But then things went south. The husband's health started deteriorating. He lost his after retirement job and health issues abounded. The wife was starting to get frazzled by all of the extra hecticness. It was wearing her thin to try her best giving him constant care. There were midnight trips to the ER for falls and messages for me to clean up the blood the next day.
I knew things were bad when their eldest son arrived to help; who, for reasons unknown to me, was disowned by the husband many years prior. He came to help his mother take care of his father. At that time it was apparent that this was a job on a massive scale. He had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's (besides a slew of other life threatening/altering ailments) and the wife's health was failing from running herself ragged to take care of the husband. There was a time of home health care for a bit there, but that only goes so far. The kids made a decision to have him live in a home.
But then things went south. The husband's health started deteriorating. He lost his after retirement job and health issues abounded. The wife was starting to get frazzled by all of the extra hecticness. It was wearing her thin to try her best giving him constant care. There were midnight trips to the ER for falls and messages for me to clean up the blood the next day.
I knew things were bad when their eldest son arrived to help; who, for reasons unknown to me, was disowned by the husband many years prior. He came to help his mother take care of his father. At that time it was apparent that this was a job on a massive scale. He had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's (besides a slew of other life threatening/altering ailments) and the wife's health was failing from running herself ragged to take care of the husband. There was a time of home health care for a bit there, but that only goes so far. The kids made a decision to have him live in a home.
As sad as that is, in regards to health/health care, it was better for the husband and the wife. She missed him, but she was finally taking time for herself and her needs. Though, that would be short lived as well. Besides being lonely, she started slipping. She was more and more forgetful and I, personally, worried about how she was managing while I wasn't there. Which, I was always a once every two weeks house cleaner. That's a lot of time for something to go wrong.
Though there had been some minor mishaps; she cut her hand once, she wasn't really cooking much for herself, she'd forget to buy things. One major thing did happen. My last work day she was going to see a doctor the following day and said she'd fill me in next time I came to work. During that time she was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which I found out today during our phone call. She'd suspected it, and so had I really. She'd been slipping a lot, mentally, since the beginning of summer.
I'm also told, during this mornings phone conversation, that their youngest son came to live with his mom this past Friday. He, in essence, is why I am out of a job. He is to live with his mom and take care of her; cooking, driving her around, seeing the dad, keep her company, as well as to clean the house.
Though, on the surface this might be bad for me, it really is a great thing. A few years ago, this son came for a visit. He was not in the best of ways and was less than civil with his parents and was agitating the situation further. The father told him to never come back. Previous visits to that one, he was his old normal self. The son has spent those years since cleaning up and soul searching, so that he was not that person anymore and could actually be around his parents. He is able to set things right with his father and help is mother, which is the type of person that he is.
I was told that when the son and wife went to visit the father (husband) in the home sometime this past week, that the father instantly knew who the son was and that the two of them held hands the entire visit. He hasn't recognized anyone for quite some time. And when he does so, it's through a sort of fog. "Do I know you?" or by saying their name in a question, all before being lost again. IF he recognizes his wife, it's briefly in this sort of fog, right before visiting time is to be over.
I realize there is no coming back from Alzheimer's. I'm under no delusions that this means the husband is regaining his memories. What I do know is that he has been holding on for a while now. He knows that his time here is not very long. But I wondered what he was holding out for. This makes sense. I had totally forgotten about the younger son in this equation. That was an ending that went very badly. He was waiting for it to be righted. I would not be surprised if he passes away soon.
So, while I seem to have been given the shorter end of the stick, so to speak, and am left without money that I counted on, this is helping a family atone and heal before it is dismantled. It is a terrible thing in terms of something trivial like money, but is a wonderful thing in terms of the heart and of love.
She ended our phone call with her usual heart felt 'I love you' as well as to say the warm embrace that I am welcome anytime. Which I know is her way of saying that she valued my work (cleaning and otherwise), but that chapter is closed, but that I also wasn't just the cleaning lady while I was in their lives.
If I factor money into the equation, this is a hard blow for me. But, it is easy for me to also realize that it was not very much money in the first place (I started with a whopping $90 a month, and was promoted to $100; which bi monthly was $45, then $50 every two weeks), and the fact that everything does always work out it helps me to ease into the realization that without this job, I am free. When a new door opens, I won't be tied to that anymore. A new door will open now. Things will fall into place and sort themselves out like they always do.
I'm also told, during this mornings phone conversation, that their youngest son came to live with his mom this past Friday. He, in essence, is why I am out of a job. He is to live with his mom and take care of her; cooking, driving her around, seeing the dad, keep her company, as well as to clean the house.
Though, on the surface this might be bad for me, it really is a great thing. A few years ago, this son came for a visit. He was not in the best of ways and was less than civil with his parents and was agitating the situation further. The father told him to never come back. Previous visits to that one, he was his old normal self. The son has spent those years since cleaning up and soul searching, so that he was not that person anymore and could actually be around his parents. He is able to set things right with his father and help is mother, which is the type of person that he is.
I was told that when the son and wife went to visit the father (husband) in the home sometime this past week, that the father instantly knew who the son was and that the two of them held hands the entire visit. He hasn't recognized anyone for quite some time. And when he does so, it's through a sort of fog. "Do I know you?" or by saying their name in a question, all before being lost again. IF he recognizes his wife, it's briefly in this sort of fog, right before visiting time is to be over.
I realize there is no coming back from Alzheimer's. I'm under no delusions that this means the husband is regaining his memories. What I do know is that he has been holding on for a while now. He knows that his time here is not very long. But I wondered what he was holding out for. This makes sense. I had totally forgotten about the younger son in this equation. That was an ending that went very badly. He was waiting for it to be righted. I would not be surprised if he passes away soon.
So, while I seem to have been given the shorter end of the stick, so to speak, and am left without money that I counted on, this is helping a family atone and heal before it is dismantled. It is a terrible thing in terms of something trivial like money, but is a wonderful thing in terms of the heart and of love.
She ended our phone call with her usual heart felt 'I love you' as well as to say the warm embrace that I am welcome anytime. Which I know is her way of saying that she valued my work (cleaning and otherwise), but that chapter is closed, but that I also wasn't just the cleaning lady while I was in their lives.
If I factor money into the equation, this is a hard blow for me. But, it is easy for me to also realize that it was not very much money in the first place (I started with a whopping $90 a month, and was promoted to $100; which bi monthly was $45, then $50 every two weeks), and the fact that everything does always work out it helps me to ease into the realization that without this job, I am free. When a new door opens, I won't be tied to that anymore. A new door will open now. Things will fall into place and sort themselves out like they always do.
And I wish the best for that family in their current struggles, their grief which is near, as well as what entails the rest of their lives.
*The post title references the proverbial doors of life, but not to be confused with the proverbial doors of perception, which is where the band, The Doors, got their name from. And because I'm weird and witty, I mixed the two. And it's a weird morning... and I think I'm amusing.
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