Explaining myself with Dwarves, I guess?

So, my life thus far has yielded weird results from the rest of the humans.  Weird reactions & comments & all of which has led me to this conclusion.

This is me.

Or rather, this is the conclusion I have come to of what I look like to the other humans.  (Some of you are laughing now, I can feel it, but that's cool.  Laugh.  It IS funny)  

Personally, I find this character to be pretty attractive, not horrid looking.  Though I will admit that he looks rather intimidating & could be considered scary.  He's pretty bad ass.  If I were a guy it'd be pretty cool to be like this characterization of Dwalin.  But, I'm a gal, so bad ass isn't a top priority for me.

This is also me.


As far as Dwarves go, this is who I really am, on the inside.  Wacky, cooky, fun, amusing, really nice & caring, a little awkwardly inappropriate.  This characterization of Bofur is not intimidating or scary at all.  Also, a little better looking, than Dwalin up there.  (My inner self totally wears my hair like this.)

And here I am again.

This, however, is how I see myself, in the Dwarf world.  Awesome, aloof, cool, super handsome, sexy, desirable, bad ass.  A loner, but by choice because of burden of past & not because of ostracism (a-hem!).

I suppose you might want a comparison.  

Normal 'Dwalin' no smile

Normal 'Dwalin' with smile.

I don't really find myself intimidating, but apparently I am?

Inner 'Bofur' self.

Funny, quirky.  I'm just all fun somewhere in there.

My 'Thorin' self, I suppose.

People say one is more attractive when they smile.  So, apparently I'm at my most attractive here, thus making this my Thorin self.  Though it doesn't really say much for being a haunted loner, but then perhaps I just like that & it's not really me.

Everyone has an ideal of how they look in their mind that doesn't match the mirror.  These four are, obviously all, what I see when I look in the mirror/what others see (or is it?) when they look at me.  But, this is not how my mind envisions that I look.

This is me as well!  ...in my mind.

My mind see's myself as something like this.

I definitely look nothing like this Indian woman.  I will admit that I used to be upset when the picture in my mind didn't match what I saw reflected back at me from the mirror.  But that is not the case anymore.  I'm not a narcissist, but humans have mirrors to see if we have toothpaste dripping out of our mouths, make sure our hair doesn't look like Alfalfa's or something; so needless to say, I get to see my reflection on a daily basis. 

I actually like the way I look.  Sure it may not be someone's cup of tea, but I like it.  I like my widow's peak, my one extra fluffy eyebrow, even my crooked teeth.  Because they are mine.  Someone may have these things, but what they make up on that person, they do not make up on me.  I'm my own person & this is how my shell wanted to look.

So, in conclusion:

If I were a male, I'd think it would be totally awesome to look like Dwalin & be all intimidating & hard core.  But, since I am not male, it would be awkward for me to look like him, what with all the facial hair & bald head & male way of looking.  I'm using him as the 'worst' example, because out of all the gals out there, not one of them that I have come across finds him to be attractive in the least.  Come to think of it, none of them really like Bofur either.  Anyways, I think all three of them are gorgeous, but from another humans point of view I have ranked them accordingly.

I made the conclusion of me apparently looking like Dwalin to others because no one really likes him.  Men would you choose to date Dwalin?  I didn't think so.  People wouldn't choose Dwalin.  They would, however choose Thorin.  So, when I wonder why no one's choosing me, I'm thinking, 'But I'm pretty good looking like Thorin, so what's the deal?'

I suppose that I am a little like all of these people.  I seem to be a mix of Dwalin, Bofur & Thorin in personality.  People choose me to lead, yet I am also a bit of a loner.  I'm kind hearted, awkward & cheerful.  I stand my ground, am a little rough around the edges & actually I can be a bit intimidating with just a glance or stance.  I'm also that Indian woman.  I am mysterious & alluring.  I think I could get a guy to give me a second look or an ask out.  

I think it's a pretty good mix.  I'm a pretty OK human.  So, what's with the aversion, guys?  What's not to like?  

The answer is not important.  While I would like one of you around, I don't really need one of you.  I've been alone so long, it seems to suit me.  Perhaps one day one of you might stumble around in there & say, "Hey, wow!  Look what I found!  This is great!  I could spend my days here & I love it!"  But, if you never do, I guess that's alright.

Plus, I'll never really know how people see me, or what about me makes them want to avoid me.  But, it's not really important.  I love myself.  I like the way I look.  I like how my mind works.  I like that I can sing & learn foreign languages.  I like that I'm the odd one who thinks that Dwalin the Dwarf is pretty hot stuff, when other girls do not.  Perhaps you can't live with me.  But I can certainly live with myself & enjoy it & I suppose that's all the really matters, yeah?